This evening I received a very out of the blue message from someone who was once a big part of my life. Not good news. I am a fairly nurturing person. I am good in a crisis. I am good at solutions and shoulders to lean on. So, perhaps it only makes sense that when a serious crisis presents itself, he would think to turn to me. Maybe it is even fitting that faced with his own mortality, he thinks of someone with whom he once entertained thoughts of spending his life.
Unfortunately, I can't be there for him. I'm not the right person. It wouldn't be good for either of us to open that particular Pandora's box. No, really. It wouldn't be good for either of us. Our relationship didn't work because we couldn't even manage a friendship. So, as much as it gnaws at me, I can't be there... or maybe I just refuse. If ever there was a right time not to get involved, this is it.
So, why am I posting this here? Isn't this a private matter? Probably. But I am a nurturing person and this feels completely out of character and somewhat uncomfortable. (I can hear Vanessa applauding somewhere in Manhattan.) So I guess that I would like to leave some record of the fact that I have thought this through. I am saddened and concerned. I wish him the best... and I still know that I cannot get involved.
Maybe it makes me a bad person. Maybe it makes me a little more sane than usual. In either case, this is how it is.
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